• Every year we hear horrid news of some young child getting abused by an adult for a long period of time whereby the parents didn’t realize about at all. • This abuse could be sexual abuse, or bullying, or some other type of ill treatment that the child was being subjected to by an older person
• Do these news scare you? They scare me.
• In todays video we will discuss about how to encourage children to confide in us.
• In this video we will discuss three main things:
o Why do kids hide things from us?
o What problems can hiding the truth lead to
o How to talk to kids so that they can easily open up to us
• Children hide things from us because they are afraid of our reaction, like yelling at them, scolding them, hitting them or insulting them
• Children don’t trust your ability to handle the truth when it comes out, may be because they have never seen you normally handle their mistakes and faults
• Children may feel responsible for the unfortunate thing that has happened to them, think that somehow they have caused the abuse or encouraged the abuser
• It may also be that children know that you wont like what they have been doing without your knowledge, that you wont allow or permit that activity but they are enjoying the activity and want to continue doing it as it feels like experimenting and exploring.
• What can be the result of hiding wrongdoings ?
o Prolonged abuse can lead to a physical or mental disorder.
o It can lead to an accident
o Repeated wrong doings can turn into a bad habit, stealing cigarettes on and off can lead to smoking addiction
• How to talk to kids so that they can easily open up to us :
o If the child confided in you don’t give an over exaggerated angry response; tell them that everyone makes a mistake and it is ok to make a mistake. Every time a mistakes by the child is actually an opportunity for you to teach the child how to solve a problem.
o Develop confidence in the child with regards to you , no matter how shocking is the truth you can handle it.
o Discuss the consequence of a wrong doing or abuse. Clear and graphic discussion of the wrong doings can help to persuade children to shop their wrong doings.
o Do not ignore their small complains regards other people bothering them. If you do not attend to their small complains they may not discuss their bigger troubles with you they may feel that their issues are not important for you.
o In fact when they complain to you empathise with them, “oh you must have felt so hurt, anybody in your place would feel just that”. You cannot start a fight on all their complains but you can empathise every single time.
o Remember this mantra, “Everyone makes mistakes, but smart people learn from their mistakes and try to avoid them in the future ”.
o We all feel with regards to our parents that why don’t you ever take my side. When even an outsider complains of our behaviour parents, start scolding us even with trying to know the truth, this makes us feel that our parent is never going to take our side. Thus try to listen to your child’s version of the truth. To avoid that fight for your child, argue on his or her behalf, doing that a few time wont hurt you or your child.
o At times when you are relaxed and bonding with your child tell them about your own childhood mistakes, what trouble did it cause, what did you learn from the mistake, why do you now feel that it was a wrong thing to do.
o Regularly remind you child that if something wrong is done by the child he or she must come and tell you the truth, the worst is that you may scold a little but I will help come out of the trouble and if I love you so much I do have the right to scold you.
o Discuss childhood issues related news articles with your children, encourage them to share their opinion. Don’t rebuke or reprimand them. Simply explore why children think the way they do.
o The child might actually come and tell you something too shocking for you to accept,
o Like they like to see people of the opposite gender naked, here don’t be scared or don’t threaten them just, discuss their reason, find out how they can explore or research their curiosity. May be they are just curious about the human anatomy, or want to know about gender based physical difference. Scientific and technical discussion of sensitive and controversial topics help.
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